They do say curiosity killed the cat but so far Charlie seems okay!
19 January 2017
16 January 2017
The following is a copy of an email sent to two WI friends. Yes, it really happened and when I thought about it afterwards it seemed funny enough to put on the blog.
Today, Sunday, lunch time – phone call received.
I was in the middle of cooking a pork steak etc when the phone rang. Like an idiot, I answered it.
Someone called Hazel who was asking if Walmley WI was on for Thursday. I told her we had closed, which she knew. She said I had told her we were going to Walmley Ash on Thursday. I put her right on the day. Then she said she owed my husband an apology, adding that she and a friend had come to my house and how nice he had been. Hmmm!
I told her Joe had died, but she insisted she had seen and talked to him. I assumed she meant she had called a year ago, but she repeated her statement that it was this year.
At that point I (sweating over a burning pork steak) I said she must have gone to the wrong address. Then she told me that ‘I’ had been kind enough to write the address in her diary or whatever. Whoever it was she spoke to must have given her the wrong phone number as well. I explained that it wasn’t me but she insisted again that I had written my address, which she read out. Needless to say I repeated that it wasn’t mine, just before telling her my pork steak was about to burn.
Whoever, she is (is she chatty the one who enjoyed the guy from Lichfield Garden Centre?) we can expect to see her on Wednesday.
I think I’ll go and have a lie down!
The response from the two recipients of my email was that one had spent a good hour laughing, along with her husband, and the other jogged my memory by saying the caller was a new lady who talked incessantly throughout the reading of my report to the members.
So that’s who she is!!
We are now faced with two questions: whose house did she visit and whose husband was nice to her? One thing is certain, I daren’t ask!
15 January 2017
What a shock I had the other day when I opened one of my email accounts. It is one I would like to dispose of but the only thing I can do apparently is ignore it. The reason I have gone off this account is because it lets in all the spam, scam, and rubbish it can find. I don’t get that with Google!
Having both iPhone and iPad means there is no escape from the internet. I tried to remove the one I don’t like but in the end had to re-establish it because Apple preferred it that way. Apple simply wouldn’t recognise anything else for identification of yours truly. So it proved necessary to go back occasionally to see if there’s any rubbish to dispose of.
I used the word rubbish without thinking, but little did I know the truth of it.
On the last visit I found an email from Netflix via iTunes confirming the purchase of a month’s worth of film viewing. Apparently the subscription would expire after a month and I needed to renew it. To do this I had to click the link!
I HAD NOT ORDERED SUCH A THING!
My brain being what it is these days I panicked. Fortunately, I did nothing except contact Hannah (remember Hannah, former cleaner, now mother of new baby) and ask if her husband could sort it out. My panic was so great I couldn’t think straight.
The next day George and Hannah and Oooooh new baby arrived. George took a look at the email and immediately declared it was scam. He fed the email address into his own phone and came up with something other than what my email purported it to be. It had seemed so authentic (see picture, if it’s clear enough) but George declared it to be one big hoax.
13 January 2017
The following was sent to me by email in 2014 but now that the snow is on the ground I thought it an appropriate time to re-post it. Enjoy!
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbour tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the Freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I Think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a
Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling.
January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Wondering ... why am I tied to this bed?