Monday Mirth

Sign in the front yard of a funeral home: 

“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there’s a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

Later that day a cop comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

Later that day a Democrat comes for a haircut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The Democrat is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen Democrats waiting at his door.

In a veterinarian’s waiting room: 

“Be back in 5 minutes. 

Sit! Stay!”

A man with toothache went to the dentist. ‘I have a huge cavity,’ he said.

The dentist, seeing only a moderate amount of decay assured him that it would only be a small filling.

‘But why does it feel so large,’ asked the patient.

Dentist replied, ‘Just a natural tendency of the tongue to exaggerate, I guess’.