Friends

10 December 2012

Monday Mirth




Sign in the front yard of a funeral home: 
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”



One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there’s a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

Later that day a cop comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

Later that day a Democrat comes for a haircut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The Democrat is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen Democrats waiting at his door.


In a veterinarian’s waiting room: 
“Be back in 5 minutes. 
Sit! Stay!”


A man with toothache went to the dentist. ‘I have a huge cavity,’ he said.
The dentist, seeing only a moderate amount of decay assured him that it would only be a small filling.
‘But why does it feel so large,’ asked the patient.
Dentist replied, ‘Just a natural tendency of the tongue to exaggerate, I guess’.


15 comments:

Brian Miller said...

haha on that last bit...is paris even still around? havent heard from her in a while...i like the vets sign too...lol

happy monday

Mel said...

Ah yes--it's good to laugh on a Monday morning. I love that first cartoon--mostly cuz I start to feel bad for the turkeys this time of year. ;-)

Have an awesome Monday, ma'am!

Montanagirl said...

HaHa--Chuckle, Chuckle. Loved the Paris Hilton quote!

Banker Chick said...

I have my morning laugh, I checked you out first.

Valerie said...

I don't know if she's still around, Brian, and yes I liked the vet's sign. It appealed to my sense of humour.

Know what you mean, Mel. I feel for the turkeys, that's why we never have one.

Ron said...

Valerie, you had me GIGGLING at everyone of these!!!!

"Sign in the front yard of a funeral home:

“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

HILARIOUS!!!!

Also, I love the vet sign!!!!!!

Thanks for the awesome Monday Mirth, dear lady. I always look forward to these posts!!!

X

Valerie said...

Hi Ron, heehee shouldn't you be at work? Glad you found time to pop in for a giggle or two. Have a good day.

Paul Forster said...

I like the Paris Hilton quote. Enjoyed the jokes immensely!

Star said...

Very funny Valerie. I enjoyed all of those.
My favourite is the one 'A woman should have four pets in her bed.'

Betty said...

Your post has a little of everything or should I say, something for everyone. Enjoyed reading and laughing through it. Blessings

DeniseinVA said...

Lovely!!! Thanks Valerie, always a great read at any time of the day. I leave with a smile :)

HermanTurnip said...

Moo! Moo! Bwahaha! That's great! I'm laughing as I type this :-)

Valerie said...

Good to hear you laughing, Herman....grins.

Hello Betty, and welcome to my blog. I'm so pleased you enjoyed these few jokes.

Jenny Woolf said...

Amusing as usual, Valerie, although I must say I don't think Paris Hilton was smart enough to make that comment :D

Lea said...

Vet's sit, stay sign is my champion! Lol!