03 December 2012

Monday Mirth

So... this penguin walks into a bar and says to to the barman: "Have you seen my brother?"
And the barman says: "No, what does he look like?"

Do you know what's inside Aladdin's lamp?It would take a genie-us to find out!


Sign on a maternity room door: 
“Push hard.”



What does a magician like to keep up his sleeve?
His arm!


An Irishman’s been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.
He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” he asks as he puts on an innocent look.
“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”



Sign at an optometrist’s office: 
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”


Jenny Woolf said...

Might even suggest that notice to my optician! his place could do with cheering up

Brian Miller said...

haha...the drinking problem one there in the end is funny...sending an email to your unborn...they will figure that out you know...smiles.

Mel said...


Yup--it was the drinking problem cartoon that make me smile this morning! Thanks for my Monday morning pick-me-up!

Montanagirl said...

I'm smiling and chuckling. Thanks, Val!

Don't unplug your hub. said...

Thanks for the laughs Valerie. I like the drinking problem one at the end.

Valerie said...

I hope they don't figure it out, Brian. I sometimes think they've gone too far already....smiles.

You're welcome, Mel. It's good to laugh on Mondays.

Banker Chick said...

When I broke my ankle years ago, I would wake up in the middle of the night, forgetting I couldn't walk and fall flat on my face. Thank the stars I don't drink.

DeniseinVA said...

Wonderful!!! Thanks again Valerie, I do enjoy these Monday Mirths.

Ron said...

Valerie, you did it again!

WONDERFUL Monday Mirth!

You had me CRACKIN' UP!

Especially loved the one about sending an email to your baby.

HAHAHAHAHA!'s modern times!

Happy Monday, dear lady!


Valerie said...

Hi Ron, I do hope modern times don't get too clever ... grins. Imagine how a baby would feel if it experienced things like spam mail.

faye said...

Another great send off to Monday .....
Thanks for the smiles and giggles !!

Pat said...

Great ones! I especially like the Irish one!

Joseph Daggatt said...

Liked the baby email one.they will be computer literate at birth!!! They will 'google' first not 'gurgle'.First words not 'mommy' but 'yahoo'

HermanTurnip said...

"“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”"

BWahahaha! Yeah, can you tell I loved that one? :-)

Valerie said...

Hi Joe. Clever and witty response. Laughed a lot when I read it.

Hi Herman, see what happens after a few

Lea said...

Hahaha, nice collection, Valerie! The Irishman made me LOL! Thank you for the laughs..