Friends

22 October 2012

Monday Mirth



A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, 'I love my BMW, I love my BMW.' Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totalled. 'My BMW! My BMW!' he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, 'Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!'

The lawyer, horrified, screamed 'My Rolex! My Rolex!
'



Why did Aladdin's lamp hum?
Because the genie didn't know the words


Sign in Yugoslavian hotel:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.


Notice seen at a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.


A man's car stalls on a country road. When he gets out to fix it, a horse in the nearby field comes up along side the fence and leans over by him. 'Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,' says the horse. Startled, the man jumps back and runs down the road until he meets a farmer. He tells the farmer his story. 'Was it a large white horse with a black mark over the right eye?' asks the farmer. 'Yes, Yes,' the man replies. 'Oh, I wouldn't listen to her,' says the farmer, 'she doesn't know anything about cars.'


17 comments:

DeniseinVA said...

Lovely Valerie! I woke up early today and needed this to get me going.

Brian Miller said...

45% less accidents...hehehe....i am happy to say i am 2 years FB free, thank you...smiles....ha thanks for the monday chuckles val

Akelamalu said...

Thanks for the funnies today Valerie. :)

Lea said...

When I woke up this morning, I was like, it's Monday... it's Valerie's Monday Mirth! :)

A wonderful collection of laughs, as always. By the way, my dinner last night was inspired by your Sunday Scenes. I ate a Junior Whopper, c/o Burger King on the 6th photo.

Banker Chick said...

My Monday morning laugh. I love translated signs. We have purchased
Toyotas for years now and I always loved the manuals, many funny phrases. It is all written by Americans now and not as funny.

Valerie said...

Hey Brian, you must be a happy man now you're 2 years free of FB.

Hi Pearl, it was my pleasure hunting these out.

Lea, a Junior Whopper huh? I don't think I could manage even that :O)

Hi Banker Chick, did you ever go wrong reading those manuals?

Ron said...

Brava, Valerie!

Another faaaaaaaabulous Monday Mirth!

Loved them all but the one of the guy lying on the operation table made me howl. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!

Thanks for the great Monday laughs, dear lady!

X

Valerie said...

Hey Ron. I hope it was the nurse that was totally lost and not the surgeon....grins.

Pat said...

The flattening of the underwear was my favorite!

Don't unplug your hub. said...

Cheered me up again Valerie.

Gill - That British Woman said...

found the seat belt funny, very funny,

Gill

Mel said...

*laughing* I LOVE the doggie one.

And after the end of a busy, but productive day--the laugh was much appreciated.

HermanTurnip said...

"'My Rolex! My Rolex!'"

I now have a new favorite joke. Thanks!

I actually know a few people who obsess much too much on physical objects, and think that what they own defines them. As Tyler Durden once said, "The things you own end up owning you."

Jimmy said...

I think I have met that horse Ha Ha, Thanks for the laughs Valerie.

Linda said...

Hilarious, Valerie. Thanks for the smiles.

Valerie said...

Hi Linda, thanks for visiting my blog. I am pleased you got a smile out of it.

Jimmy, I think we shared that horse...smiles.

Herman, I must remember that theory about things owning us.... I can definitely see the reasoning.

CrystalChick said...

They were GOOD! Thanks for the laughs. :)