29 October 2012

Monday Mirth

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" 

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

'You look hot, my son,' said the cleric. 'why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.'

'No thanks,' said the young man. 'My father wouldn't like it.'

'Don't be silly,' the minister said. 'Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.'

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, 'Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!'

'Well,' replied the young farmer, 'he's under the load of hay.'


Why did Dick Whittington have a beard?
Because nine out of ten owners find that their cats prefer whiskers.

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. 

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."


Don't unplug your hub. said...

Thanks for the laugh Valerie. I have put a link to you on my blog.

Lea said...

I enjoyed them all! And that wittle girl who doesn't give a thit on the shopkeeper's wabby offers is really funny! Your blog is always a good week starter, Valerie! Thank you :)

Brian Miller said...

haha i would get in so much trouble in a bubble wrap factory....smiles....too funny...happy monday val!

Mel said...

Ohhhhhh.....I so need an airbag on this silly computer! LOL

Thanks for making my Monday a bit lighter!

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Good morning Valerie, I stopped in for a visit and some laughs after following a link from John Bain's Don't Unplug Your Hub blog. It was a bright way to start the day as we here on the VA eastern shore are in the midst of pouring rains and wind gusts from the storm called Sandy. Also glad you enjoyed your recent trip to NYC as. Formerly lived in neighboring NJ and are familiar with some of the scenes you posted.

Valerie said...

Awww thanks, John. Oh, and I'm glad you had a laugh on the Monday Mirth.

Lea, I couldn't resist including the wittle girl joke.

Brian, you and me both, I simply cannot resist bubble wrap...smiles.

Akelamalu said...

LOL working in a bubble wrap factory would be just TOO much temptation for me!

Valerie said...

Hi Beatrice. How lovely to see you here, especially on joke day. I do do serious as well.... smiles. Sorry to hear you're in direct line to Sandy. We hear all the news in the UK and I always think of my many friends in the states who might be suffering. I will pop across and visit your blog.

Banker Chick said...

Valerie, I so could not work in a bubble wrap factory. Thanks for the Monday laffs

Valerie said...

Hi Pearl, it rather looks as though everyone has a thing about bubble wrap... pop pop :O)

Hi Banker Chick, yes popping bubble wrap would definitely get me the sack :O)

Ron said...

"I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

Bwhahahahahahahha! OMG...that made me HOWL, Valerie!! HILARIOUS!!

Also, I loved the computer airbag!!!


Thanks so much for the Monday Mirth, because I needed it today with Hurricane Sandy lurking about.

Happy Monday, dear lady!


Valerie said...

Hi Ron, wasn't that wabby joke a hoot? I read it several times and laughed a lot. I didn't realise I'd put one joke on twice. If I think on I might get round to removing one of them.

Emma Springfield said...

John Bain let us know that you have a good blog. As usual he was right. I looked around a bit and was thoroughly entertsined with each post.

Wanda...plain~N~simple said...

I had to hop over and see you, thanks to John. No better way to start a day than with a good laugh...and a cup of coffee! :)

Valerie said...

Hello Emma, nice to meet you. Thanks for popping in for a few smiles. Today's batch seem to have gone down well.

Valerie said...

Hi Wanda, thank you so much for visiting my blog. Monday Mirth was designed to get the week off to a good start.... and it seems to be working.

Sharkbytes said...

Came over from John's blog. We used to buy hamsters for our boa constrictor, and the lady at the store always fussed over them so much, I didn't dare tell her why we bought them.

Montanagirl said...

HaHaHa! Loved this post, Val! You always make me laugh.

HermanTurnip said...

I've seen that color chart before, but always find it fascinating how the brain perceives things, often incorrectly.

faye said...

Hi Val ...
I'm back from the mini-vacation and I have a lot of catching up to do... missed the Monday Mirth but they still bring smiles on Tuesday.
Have a great week !!

Valerie said...

Hello Sharkbytes and welcome. Gosh, you reminded me of the time my son had a snake for a pet, he bought frozen mice for it's meals. Ugh! I could never watch and yet I eat meat myself.

Valerie said...

Herman, heehee my brain didn't want to know.