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12 November 2012

Monday Mirth

The hospital chaplain sits outside the A and E with a husband whose wife has just been admitted. The chaplain says in a very concerned voice, ‘I don’t like the look of your wife at all.’ ‘Me neither, Father,’ said the husband, ‘but she’s a great cook and really good with the children.


An old woman was sipping a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says ‘I love you so much, I don’t know how I could live without you.’
Her husband asks, ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’
She replies, ‘It’s me. I was talking to the wine.’


Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a mean attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,
playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
    Finally I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot. He yelled back.
I shook him and he got even angrier and ruder.
So, and in desperation, I grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
  Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
  I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"



14 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laughs today Valerie :)

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  2. hahaha...i like that last one...intimidated eh? smiles....that and the one where she was talking to her wine....smiles...happy monday val

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  3. Good morning, Brian. Yes, intimidated is the right word. Happy Monday to you too.

    Hi Pearl, glad you to supply you with a few smiles :O)

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  4. Hahaha....I'm loving the parrot one! Thanks for the smiles as I start off a new work week!

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  5. " ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ She replies, ‘It’s me. I was talking to the wine.’"

    Bwhahahahahhaha! HILARIOUS, Valerie!

    And I LOVED the one about the parrot. Flawless!

    Once again, I thank you for the Monday Mirth. Always puts a giggle in my day!

    Have a great Monday, dear lady!

    X

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  6. Good evening, Ron. I loved the parrot joke... May I ask what the turkey did.... hilarious.

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  7. I knew I could count on you to have me chuckling today. Thanks Valerie :)

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  8. Happy Monday Valerie... what's left of it!
    Hahaha...loved the one about the parrot! I wonder if that technique works on crabby old cockatiels?

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  9. Hilarious selection!

    ‘It’s me. I was talking to the wine.’

    Yeah, replace "wine" with "beer" and you have me! :-)

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  10. Hi Denise, you’re very welcome to have a laugh on Mondays

    Hi Herman, consider it done :O)

    Hi Wanda, I used to have a cockatiel... perhaps I should have tried it...lol.

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  11. I'm a day late... but ya know Monday Mirth works just as well on Tuesday
    if you are running behind...

    Thanks for the giggles !!

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  12. thanks for the laughs! I never heard the first one! Good one!

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  13. Monday Mirth is even funnier on Thursday Valerie, thanks for putting a smile on my face as I head for wo)rk

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  14. Hahaha! Thank you for the laughs, Valerie! My favorite is the one about the parrot.. hahaha!

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