Friends

12 November 2012

Monday Mirth

The hospital chaplain sits outside the A and E with a husband whose wife has just been admitted. The chaplain says in a very concerned voice, ‘I don’t like the look of your wife at all.’ ‘Me neither, Father,’ said the husband, ‘but she’s a great cook and really good with the children.


An old woman was sipping a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says ‘I love you so much, I don’t know how I could live without you.’
Her husband asks, ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’
She replies, ‘It’s me. I was talking to the wine.’


Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a mean attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,
playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
    Finally I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot. He yelled back.
I shook him and he got even angrier and ruder.
So, and in desperation, I grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
  Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
  I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"



14 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Thanks for the laughs today Valerie :)

Brian Miller said...

hahaha...i like that last one...intimidated eh? smiles....that and the one where she was talking to her wine....smiles...happy monday val

Valerie said...

Good morning, Brian. Yes, intimidated is the right word. Happy Monday to you too.

Hi Pearl, glad you to supply you with a few smiles :O)

Mel said...

Hahaha....I'm loving the parrot one! Thanks for the smiles as I start off a new work week!

Ron said...

" ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ She replies, ‘It’s me. I was talking to the wine.’"

Bwhahahahahhaha! HILARIOUS, Valerie!

And I LOVED the one about the parrot. Flawless!

Once again, I thank you for the Monday Mirth. Always puts a giggle in my day!

Have a great Monday, dear lady!

X

Valerie said...

Good evening, Ron. I loved the parrot joke... May I ask what the turkey did.... hilarious.

DeniseinVA said...

I knew I could count on you to have me chuckling today. Thanks Valerie :)

Wanda...plain~N~simple said...

Happy Monday Valerie... what's left of it!
Hahaha...loved the one about the parrot! I wonder if that technique works on crabby old cockatiels?

HermanTurnip said...

Hilarious selection!

‘It’s me. I was talking to the wine.’

Yeah, replace "wine" with "beer" and you have me! :-)

Valerie said...

Hi Denise, you’re very welcome to have a laugh on Mondays

Hi Herman, consider it done :O)

Hi Wanda, I used to have a cockatiel... perhaps I should have tried it...lol.

faye said...

I'm a day late... but ya know Monday Mirth works just as well on Tuesday
if you are running behind...

Thanks for the giggles !!

Pat said...

thanks for the laughs! I never heard the first one! Good one!

Blogaire said...

Monday Mirth is even funnier on Thursday Valerie, thanks for putting a smile on my face as I head for wo)rk

Lea said...

Hahaha! Thank you for the laughs, Valerie! My favorite is the one about the parrot.. hahaha!