Friends

19 November 2012

Monday Mirth

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the
Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.


Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see a gleam in his eyes,
make him a sandwich.

I have a little satnav
It sits there in my car.
A satnav is a driver’s friend,
It tells you where you are

I have a little satnav,
I’ve had it all my life.
It isn’t like the normal ones,
My satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions,
Especially how to drive –
“It’s thirty miles an hour”, it says,
“You’re doing thirty five”.

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake,
And tells me that it’s never, ever,
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green –
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear,
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device,
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice!

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey’s pretty fraught,
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I’m properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And – keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while…
I could turn the damned thing off.



14 comments:

Paul Forster said...

My little satnav is quite controlled really. She usually bows to my superior driving skills.

Brian Miller said...

ha. a little stepford wives in that last one...the give them the internet little blurb made me laugh and the smile one is just cute...smiles....happy monday

Mel said...

:-)

It's contagious don'tchaknow. ;-)

Brian Miller said...

ha. a little stepford wives in that last one...the give them the internet little blurb made me laugh and the smile one is just cute...smiles....happy monday

Gill - That British Woman said...

I must copy and forward the Satnav poem to my dh as I am sure he would agree with it all....LOL

Great way to start a Monday,

Gill in Canada

Akelamalu said...

I love the satnav poem Valerie!

Pat said...

My husband's satnav is REALLY intelligent, though! It's amazing!
*WINK*

I love the turtle and snail joke!

Don't unplug your hub. said...

Thanks for the smiles Valerie.

Valerie said...

Heehee glad you liked them, Brian. Happy Monday to you, too.

Guessed as much, Mel.

You have to be joking, Paul... a woman, bowing? Never!

I heard it at the WI, Pearl. Just had to pass it on :O)

Banker Chick said...

Funny smiles this week as usual. I'm sending the satnav to mr BC right now. I am always guessing the wrong direction, very consistent but he tolerates it well.

Joseph Daggatt said...

What can I comment!!!!
Any comparison between Monday mirth points and me are purely coincidental and have no bearing on reality. That aside they are very funny and relate to as yet unknown characters and situations that I do not propose to investigate for the sake of my health.

HermanTurnip said...

" Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years."

This, my friend, is very, very true! Heh! ;-)

Jenny Woolf said...

So people are writing funny poems about satnavs - and to think we didn't even know what they were a few years ago! That tickles me :)

Lea said...

The satnav poem is hilarious! :)