Friends

29 August 2013

PACKAGE OF ODDMENTS

Starting with a bit of humour from our Faye

WOMAN STOPS GATOR ATTACK WITH PISTOL

This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest calibre that you would trust to protect yourself?

A Beretta Jet fire testimonial.

Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge of  a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana  with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce  issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator that suddenly emerged  from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had my little Beretta Jet fire .25 calibre pistol with me I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband’s knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.

August has been quiet month for me. No WI and no TG (that’s Women’s Institute and Townswomen’s Guild) as those organisations allow us to have a month free of meetings. Although appreciating that committees need time to refresh themselves and their ideas, some members feel that two months is a long time to go without something to take their minds off their particular boredom.

What is boredom? I don’t seem to have time for such a thing and even if I’m not ultra-busy I still don’t get bored. After my four-year stint as County Chairman of the WI, I relished the time out and now have no ambition to take on more responsibility. I like to spend time doing those constructive things I wasn’t able to do when I was busy.  However, many members are quite elderly, some without family, some too frail to take up a hobby, and some with nowhere to go but the once-monthly meeting at WI or TG. For their sake I wish there were more meetings or lunches or afternoon teas. Unfortunately we can’t be all things to all men women, can we?

Of course, I have been out and about, shopping, eating out etc, and it has been noticeably quiet everywhere. Kids off school and many workers still on holiday. I drove to the mall the other day and parked in the multi-story. Look at the picture, I was the only one there. That’s how quiet it's been.'

If it wasn’t for the lovely robin and one or two neighbours plus lunch with a friend, I wouldn’t have seen much of the outside world. It has got now that robin waits for me every day when I go out to feed the birds. When he sees me coming he waits by the bird table which is situated in a recess between bushes. I found out that he likes the little pink strips of suet that are mixed in with the seed, so I sort out a few big ones for him. So far he has refused to take them from the hand but he doesn’t fly off when I throw them to the ground.

Did you know that it’s 74 years since the invention of the nylon stocking ? I wonder how long it will take to find a cure for feet.

On the subject of feet, did you know that the foot is made up of 26 bones and 23 muscles, a complicated structure designed to take the pressure of three times the body weight with every step. A surprising fact is that the average person takes about 18,000 steps per day. Apparently we walk an average of 70,000 miles in a lifetime ... that’s almost four times around the globe. With every mile we walk we shift approximately one hundred tons (the weight of a blue whale) just to move our own bodyweight forward. Ever wondered why you often feel tired?

The insects in the garden have had a go at biting me to death but apart from giving me bouts of serious itching they didn’t succeed in their ultimate quest. I had a similar episode about three years ago but nothing since. Three years ago the summer came early – in March – and lasted about six weeks or more. It was heaven. Then we had lousy summers for a couple of years, and no bites, but this year it’s been great weather – hence the bites. Wouldn’t you think, with all the juicy fruit and berries plus the nectar in pollen the insects would want to eat something more tasty than Moi? And why me when other people seem to get away without a single bite?

Whilst on the subject of gardening, how about this apparently true snippet:

A recording of Happy Birthday drove a troublesome mole from its garden home. A local gardener removed the musical unit from a cheap birthday card, tied a string to it and buried it under the turf. There were some problems with a cat moving it and a neighbour complaining about the noise, but during the week-long battery life the mole did go.

Finally... something to think about.

Getting older gives you licence to believe...
                        ... that mistakes of your youth were character building.

19 comments:

Banker Chick said...

I am sitting up at 3am in Santa Barbara laughing and coughing my fool head off. I was fixing to feel sorry for the alligator.

Banker Chick said...

I am sitting up at 3am in Santa Barbara laughing and coughing my fool head off. I was fixing to feel sorry for the alligator.

Rae said...

Laughing still. Especially loved the gator story.

Akelamalu said...

Love the the alligator joke!

I don't really get bitten in summer so I'm lucky - I feel for you. x

Brian Miller said...

ha the mistakes of our youth are character building...that gives me hope...smiles....glad the mosquitos did not bite you to death...that would almost be as bad as being shot in the knee and left for the gator...smiles.....

Ron said...

"The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun."

Bwhahahahahaha! That was HILARIOUS, Valerie!!! STELLAR!

Hey, what a nice car you have! Love the color!

Being a foot reflexologist, I enjoyed your information shared on feet. Aren't feet amazing? And I tell people to take care of their feet, because if your feel good, so do you!

".. that mistakes of your youth were character building."

How true that is!

Thanks for your package of oddments, dear lady. Enjoyed!

X

Pat said...

I was NOT expecting THAT ending to the gator story! LOL!

Mosquitoes just LOVE me! Just hire me to sit at a party in the corner and all the mosquitoes will come to me and not bother any of your guests!

Joseph Daggatt said...

' See you later alligator ' tra la la! Oncxce bitten twice shy.
I thought I was a man of character but I am not so sure now!

Valerie said...

Brian, thinking about my childhood I'm lucky to be where I am... smiles.

Hi BC, I hope the laugh did you some good, like shaking off that cold.

Pearl, it used to be dreadful when I was young, my friends used to say I had too much sugar in the blood. I wonder if they were right... grins.

Valerie said...

Ron, I just had to pinch the gator joke from Faye.

I too love the colour of my car, and didn't it look good in that empty car park?

You are soooo right about the feet. I'm fortunate that mine haven't presented me with too much trouble... until now, with corns and things developing. Still, the foot-man did say they weren't bad for my age! Such a nice man...haha.



Valerie said...

Joe, just WHEN did you take up singing... grins.

Valerie said...

Thanks for the offer, Pat. You're welcome to my share of the gnats... grins.

Susan Kane said...

Knee-capping is always an effective method to remind the victim of past sins. The alligator was simply administering justice.

L. D. said...

Great laugh for me too. I am just checking in as I have been so bad at doing so lately. I am seeking less busy but no, I don't want boredom either.

HermanTurnip said...

Heh...yeah, that's one way to get away from a gator. Reminds me of the joke where a bear is charging two hikers. One hiker kneels down and starts tightening his shoes. The other one asks him if thinks he can outrun the bear. The man replies, "No, I only need to outrun you." *groan* I know. Terrible joke. ;-)

Valerie said...

Hey Herman, thanks. I shall definitely pass on your gator joke.

Geraldine said...

What a great ménage of info. and LOL's here Val. A very entertaining post. Love that last quote most of all.

Happy Weekend, G

Valerie said...

Thanks, Geraldine. I must admit I like that final quote.

Mel said...

Hahaha...oh Valerie, this was a welcome happening to my morning in soooo many ways. You keep at it, eventually that bird will take it from your hand...unless someone terrorizes it from its nest with some goofy singing message. I admit I felt bad for the mole. LOL. But i make note of the idea for future reference. Ya never know when that could be useful!