(Extracts from A Gentleman Publisher’s
Commonplace Book by John G Murray)
~~~~~
‘Sex has become a
serious international problem for which a solution hasn’t yet been found.’
(Introduction to a The Truth about Sex submitted by A M
Macrae 1968)
‘The girl was
beheaded, chopped into pieces and placed in a trunk but was not interfered
with.’
(From a Fleet Street
report)
‘What has one wheel
and flies?’
‘A wheelbarrow full of
manure!’
(A riddle from John
Piper)
‘What is funny about
legs?’
‘The bottom is at the
top!’
(A riddle from a lady
of 92)
‘I’m afraid,’ said a woman on entering a shoe
shop, ‘that one of my feet is larger than the other.’
‘Oh no, madam,’
exclaimed the salesman, ‘if anything one is smaller.’
‘Exclusive Universal
Tailors.’
(Advertisement)
‘Sole joint agents.’
(Sign outside a house)
‘Tattooed lady wishes
to meet gentleman with similar views.’
(Advertisement from
the agony column of the Observer)
‘Ears pierced while
you wait’
(Notice in a Cork jeweller’s window)
‘St Margaret’s School
of the Immaculate Conception for Girls’
and underneath
‘Preparatory for Boys’
(Sign outside a school
in Berkshire )
Q. ‘What’s the
difference between a snowman and a snow woman?’
A. ‘Snowballs.’
(Riddle from Anne
Ridler)
A warden in the dark
outside an air raid shelter during the war asked, ‘Are there any pregnant women
here?’
A young cockney
shouted, ‘Give us a chance, guv’, we’ve only been ‘ere ten minutes.’
Hotel notice: ‘If
requiring breakfast please hang on door knob before 7am.’
‘Due to staff shortage
the automatic ticket machines are not in use.’
(Notice in Farringdon
Underground Station)
Wording on a form sent
out by a Government department in 1962:
‘Separate departments
on the same premises are treated as separate premises for this purpose where
separate branches of work which are commonly carried on as separate business in
separate premises are carried on in separate departments of the same premises’
‘Baths may be had by
arrangement with the manageress only.’
(Notice in a Southport hotel)
‘Horse manure bagged
25p. Do it yourself 10p.’
(Advertisement outside
a Sussex
farm)
Valerie, these were ALL wonderful! However, my two favorites are...
ReplyDelete"‘St Margaret’s School of the Immaculate Conception for Girls’
and underneath
‘Preparatory for Boys’"
"Q. ‘What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?’
A. ‘Snowballs.’"
Bwhahahahahahahaha!
HILARIOUS!
Thanks for the morning laughs, my friend! Have a terrific Tuesday!
X
Hi Ron, so it was you I could hear laughing!
DeleteI have a book full of these. Joe acquired it when he did an audit at a publishing firm. It was hard work selecting what I considered suitable for a blog post! I am pleased I shared a few.
Haha I love them all. Ears pierced while you wait made me grin. Quite hard to do anything else really. :D
ReplyDeleteJoe, I found it hard to fix a favourite but eventually I chose the scene in an air raid shelter.
DeleteHilarious.....
ReplyDeleteGlad you thought so, TB.
DeleteThose are cute!
ReplyDeleteGlad you thought so, kden.
DeleteYou couldn't make it up if you tried. Love the wheelbarrow riddle. Thanks for the laughs Valerie.
ReplyDeleteMy favourite is the air raid shelter with the guy pleading for more time!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs, Valerie, You posted some good ones and even more fun in that some were real like the ones for the hotel and ticketing machine!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed them, Beatrice. I have a giggle whenever I go through the list of funnies.
DeleteA wonderful selection of funnies. Thanks Valerie!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked them, Denise.
DeleteThanks for sharing, Val. I really enjoyed the ones about horse manure. I am not sure what that says about my personality.
ReplyDelete