POSITION :
Mum, Mommy, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Pa,
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive taxi duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs £100.00 or more.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Dad, Daddy, Pa,
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive taxi duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs £100.00 or more.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
POSSIBILITY
FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that passing exams will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement and no paid holidays, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
This is for all the PARENTS I know (and anyone thinking of applying for the job) in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do.
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that passing exams will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement and no paid holidays, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
This is for all the PARENTS I know (and anyone thinking of applying for the job) in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do.
Now I know exactly why I never wanted to have children. This is absolutely brilliant and so frighteningly true. This should be mandatory reading for everyone who wants to become a parent.
ReplyDeleteI have enough trouble caring for my cats.
Heehee, parents always survive. Good to see you here, Jon, hope you are feeling a lot better,
DeleteUnconditional love is a requirement for all applicants. Pal of my cradle days must be sung by all children to their mothers.
ReplyDeleteLovely post.
Thank you. I read and reread this to remind me of all that has passed!
DeleteYou're wrong on "POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION" : If you do a really good job you may be promoted to Grandparent.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise you list is spot on and well done!
I did get the promotion, Joe, sad to say all grandchildren live overseas, never to be seen by me.
DeleteLOVED this, Valerie!
ReplyDeleteMy two favorite parts are "WAGES AND COMPENSATION" LOL!
And the "BENEFITS" !!!!
I applaud the job of parenting because I know in many ways it can be challenging. I feel so grateful for my own parents because they always gave me my own space to grow as an individual, but they were also there if I ever needed help.
Have a lovely Sunday, my friend!
Good morning, Ron. My memory goes back a long way but not long enough. Life as a child was spent dodging bombs and suchlike. All that bombing didn't give much opportunity to get to know my parents. Still, we survived and that's the main thing.
DeleteHaha loved this, and so true, but life without my daughters would be unbearable.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, Joe. I only had a son but I was content with that.
DeleteWould I have had children if I knew what that all entailed? Oh, yeah. Your list pretty much nails it.
ReplyDeleteLOL I wonder how I would have taken this 57 years ago!
DeleteThis was such a great job description and one you likely won't see in any advertisement or classifieds, Valerie.
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd seen it when my lad was younger.
DeleteFunny! And so much of it sounds true!
ReplyDelete