Doug was married once but it didn’t work out. After the
divorce he returned to live with his parents and stayed there for the rest of
his life, leastways until last year when he moved into the care home. After his
parents died he made no effort to redecorate the bungalow, nor did he splash
out on modern equipment or anything that would have made life easier. Every
week he took his laundry to a laundromat, he never redecorated, and he had
nothing to make his life more comfortable. He had a gardener to do the mowing,
but then so do I. I used to think it was awful but now I’ve reached the age
when I don’t want to be bothered with these things. The difference between Doug
and me is that I still know it and can still get things done.
The first thing Doug said to me when we were seated at the ‘birthday’
table, was ‘Did you move into the Close, which is a cul-de-sac opposite our
bungalows. I reminded him that I lived next door. Oh, says he, you must know
Joe. It was difficult enough talking to him without having to explain that Joe,
my husband, had died so I left it. Gradually though he started to recall
things, for example our dogs. He looked after them when we were away, in fact
over the years he looked after many dogs in the neighbourhood.
Despite communication problems we got through the evening and
it was enjoyable watching him open his presents. He got tired of doing it half
way through but his family made him carry on. I felt sorry for him then. It is
so easy for people with no memory problems or ageing hands to think they know
best. For me, it was a relief to know that others have the same sort of
forgetfulness, particularly this morning when I picked up a bowl that had been
washed and wondered where to put it. Everything has its place in my house but it
seems I am slowly forgetting where those places are. Perhaps I should make a
list! I told myself to get a grip but whether I listen to my own advice remains
to be seen.
So, seeing Doug as he is now and remembering how he was all
the years Joe and I knew him was quite sad. I am thankful that I manage to find
solutions to overcome some of the problems … I have plenty of paper - I can
write notes. Just praying I will remember where they are…. grins.
