Friends

03 August 2011

A shopping day to remember

Supermarket shopping is best done early in the day while it’s peaceful. It’s a time when check-out girls are at their quietest, preparing themselves for a hectic day while their first customers read labels and decipher instructions written in several languages. It’s browsing time, without the rush.

So you can imagine how I felt when a burly black woman with a cell phone glued to her ear moved to stand beside me. Dressed in black, with wild woolly black hair that seemed to lift off when she moved, she was a big woman with a big voice. Most people hold private phone conversations in hushed voices but not this one. Oh dear me no. She bellowed hers to all who couldn’t escape from listening. I’d dearly love to know who was at the other end.

Anyway, the gist of the conversation showed her disgust with someone who seemingly had ill treated another mysterious person, thereby raising the wrath of my fellow shopper. I use the word ‘fellow’ loosely even though she was built like an Amazon warrior and probably had muscles to match.

I moved away but I could still hear her booming diatribe several aisles away.

We met up again by the fish counter and that was where fish wife came to mind. By now she was describing how she would get her own back on the person in question, who seemed to have a name beginning with F, as did all the things she was going to do to the perpetrator of this terrible crime. There were other expletives but the F word seemed to be favourite. I guess I should have been grateful for small mercies.

So it went on, and on, until eventually we arrived at the check-out. I must have been in the store a good three-quarters of an hour … it’s what I call a deafening experience.

She joined a short line next to mine. I had chosen a smiling check-out girl to assist me while the Queen Boudicca look-alike opted for a male. These people obviously knew her because when she told the guy to ‘shut his gob’ while he served her he merely smiled. Not once did she move the cell from her ear. Whoever was at the other end must have been privy to all the goings-on at the check-out.

She actually got served before me… I guess me and my gal were too interested in what might happen next. An elderly woman behind me was overwrought by the bad language. Honestly, she was so distressed her face nearly matched her salmon coloured coat. She vowed never to go to the supermarket again on a Wednesday. Me neither, I thought. After Boudicca waltzed away from her section, still yapping loudly on the phone, I asked my cashier if she’d seen her before. The answer was yes, but it was the first time the cell phone had been in use. Indeed, she said the staff looked forward to their little bit of entertainment on Wednesdays.

So remember when you next walk into a quiet supermarket … all may not be as it seems.

9 comments:

faye said...

You should go shopping in
Gainesville some time..
eye opening for sure !

Brian Miller said...

hahaha...there are certainly some quirky people out there...and i remember working retail and certainly being entertained by a few people...

Alan Burnett said...

Great description - I could almost feel myself in the supermarket with you. At least I have the option of switching my implant off.

Akelamalu said...

Some people seem to think everyone wants to know their business don't they? :0

Ron said...

Valerie, this post had me HOWLING!!!!!

OMG....how HILARIOUS!

" I use the word ‘fellow’ loosely even though she was built like an Amazon warrior and probably had muscles to match."

"We met up again by the fish counter and that was where fish wife came to mind."

" I had chosen a smiling check-out girl to assist me while the Queen Boudicca look-alike opted for a male."

Bwhahahahahahahahhahahahaha!

I soooooooo know what you mean because I have to deal with this type of cell phone behavior constantly! You should hear the screaming arguments I have to listen to while walking down the streets every. single. day.

Brilliant post, dear lady. Brava!

Have a wonderful, peaceful day; free of screaming cell phone users.

X

Valerie said...

Brian, it must be a worldwide thing...grins.

Alan, there are (rare) occasions when I wish I had an implant.

Pearl, what bothers me is that we learn by example....

Ron, I was always taught that there was a time and a place for everything! Heehee I just knew you would find it amusing. I did looking back but not at the time. I suppose I should apologise for insulting Queen Boudicca! Thanks for making me smile.

Montanagirl said...

Entertaining post! Isn't that the way it goes sometimes? Ah, the nerve of some people, let alone their "cluelessness" !! Be thankful she wasn't describing her last night's "roll in the hay!" LOL

Mr. Shife said...

Very funny stuff Val. I sort of feel like you were with me last night when I had to run to the store for my sick pregnant wife. I was sandwiched between two groups of people who were definitely less than pleasant. I guess people just think they are in their own little bubbles when they are on their phone.

septembermom said...

That takes people watching to another level! Great story to entertain us today, Valerie :)