20 August 2012

Monday Mirth

Smile ... it's Monday!

A blond spies a letter lying on the doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. 

4th Husband at 80 !
(thanks, Pat)

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. after a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go." 

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" 
"Eight," the boy replied. 
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?" 
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me.  They're for him.  He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."  


Brian Miller said...

oh my on the things you learn on tv....smiles...

Akelamalu said...

LOL thanks for the chuckles Valerie.

Valerie said...

Yes it's amazing, Brian...smiles back.

Your welcome, Pearl.

Ron said...

OMG Valerie, everyone of these made me laugh so hard, but this one made me HOWL....

"We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."



Thanks so much for the great Monday morning Mirth, dear lady!

Happy Monday.....X

Valerie said...

Good for a laugh, eh, Ron? That was the one I liked best.

faye said...

Great mirth for Monday and any day...
love the jokes.!!

Banker Chick said...

I am still chuckling.

Ranita Sinha said...

lol!!!!kids do learn a lot from the TV..

Mel said...


This is a very good thing.

Thanks for making my Monday doable!

HermanTurnip said...

"Right now, he can't do either." Oh man, that's bad! Heh....

Jimmy said...

Now I know what to buy so I can learn to swim and ride a bike Ha Ha

Thanks for the laughs Valerie