Monday Mirth

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. 
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". 
The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". 

An older couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep 
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.' 
'Why not?' he asked.
She answered, 'Because I'm dead.' 

The husband asked...'What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'She said, No, Im definitely dead.

He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?' 

'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'

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