By five o'clock
Audrey 's bed was a tangled mess. The
room was airless, which probably accounted for the disturbed sleep. Slowly
sliding her legs to cooler spots, she drew the tangled sheet up to her chin.
That was the problem with fancy bedclothes, they slithered off at the slightest
twitch. She was tempted to bung the lot in the closet and rescue the quilt from
the blanket chest but it was only yesterday she had converted to sheets. She
ought to give them at least one more go. Eventually, when perspiration beads
began to form on her chin, she got up to open the window. As though it was a
signal, birds commenced whistling in competition.
She clambered back into bed, convinced that sleep would come now that she could breathe. A foolish notion, she thought, as the anarchy in the garden grew more sonorous. In exasperation, she flung one pillow at the wall and pressed her face into the survivor, wretchedly debating whether or not to test the conventional practice of counting sheep. Even as she discounted it as a sheer waste of mental energy, her body slackened and she fell into profound slumber.
She clambered back into bed, convinced that sleep would come now that she could breathe. A foolish notion, she thought, as the anarchy in the garden grew more sonorous. In exasperation, she flung one pillow at the wall and pressed her face into the survivor, wretchedly debating whether or not to test the conventional practice of counting sheep. Even as she discounted it as a sheer waste of mental energy, her body slackened and she fell into profound slumber.
She dreamed she was in a damp tunnel. The powerful stench
made her choke but she willed herself to proceed because from somewhere in the
gloom her name was being broadcast. Groping along the slimy walls to the spot
where the Tannoy was situated, the subway was hit by a severe turbulence.
Leaves swirled and rustled around her; smelly water splashed up her legs. Someone
screamed. Audrey ran, not caring into
what foul substance she trod. In the foreground, a strip of light shone like a
beacon from an open door. She hurtled towards it, throwing herself in and
crumpling breathlessly on a length of coconut matting. Waited for something to
happen.
She woke in her sunny bedroom. Everything, furniture, walls
and windows, was so bright she had to shield her eyes. It was like being
liberated from a pitch-dark, nether world, so frighteningly authentic she could
scarcely believe the nebulous place was illusory, the obscure substance of a
dream.
Still in that sluggish state that follows a heavy sleep, she
brushed the hair from her eyes and peered at the clock. It was coming up to
seven. Time she was up and about. Issuing a noisy yawn, she flicked on the
radio in time to hear the local news. She
heard Clarissa 's name. Quickly she
turned up the volume. According to the announcer, Clarissa Norman
(her stage name) had been involved in a hit and run accident in Redhampton when
a car driver had sped through traffic lights on red and crashed into a tree.
The announcer referred to Clarissa 's
broken ankle but he was more inspired to describe her acting career than the
injury itself. Poor Clarissa , Audrey thought. That's what comes of opening fetes.
She'd have been better off staying in London .
Hoping Carol would
understand when she explained about the lack of sleep, Audrey
snuggled down for five more minutes and allowed her mind to evaluate the events
of last evening, only the journey in the dark dream persistently returned to
blot out each attempt. All she could establish was that someone rang, though
who it was she couldn’t remember.
A dull ache started in her tummy and she drew her knees to
her chest to ease it, a procedure she adopted when the trouble began a couple
of weeks ago. For some reason Brian 's
image came to her, together with recollections of his attentiveness when she
was indisposed. He would lie behind her, cradling her with his hands on her
belly, promising to stay until she was on the mend. She visualised his sturdy
hands and the wide fingernails, but she couldn't see his face. She tried to
bring his features into focus and gradually got the nose and mouth. His eyes
seemed set in shadows. And his voice was ... his voice was the voice on the
phone. It was sheer fluke that as she struggled to recall his voice there was a
shrill ringing downstairs.
Launching herself out of bed, she ran down to the hall, still
clutching her stomach. Expectantly, her heartbeats racing, she lifted the
receiver; expectantly, that is, until she remembered He never rang in the
morning.
'Audrey ?'
'Gladys !' Audrey blushed, foolishly certain that Gladys 's telepathic powers would have picked up the
reason for the eager greeting. 'Is something wrong?'
'I'd like to buy you lunch. Are you free today?'
Lunch sounded great. It had been such an age since they went
to town and as it was Audrey 's half
day....
'Am I right in thinking you finish early?' Without waiting
for a reply, Gladys appealed for
suggestions as to where they might go, confessing she only knew the Chinese
restaurant Sam had taken her to.
'There's a quaint little Italian place in Redhampton.'
'There you are, then.'
They arranged to meet outside the store with, as Gladys put it, their boots blacked and best brooches
on. Feeling more cheerful than she had for days, Audrey
replaced the receiver.
*******
The women clucked like hens in the furthest corner of the
crowded store. Consequently, Audrey
missed the bulk of the gossip. It wasn't that she hankered to join in, it was
simply that listening to their chitchat was a useful method of blocking her own
contemplations.
She was in the middle of serving Carrie
when Liz Tomlin pushed through the door. Audrey
peeked at Carol to check if she was
anywhere near at liberty to serve. Carol ,
however, was busy serving a customer to what appeared to be a month's supply of
groceries. Audrey cursed. It seemed the
dubious pleasure of serving Liz would
be hers. All she could do was pray it was not one of her wailing days. If it
was, she would scream. Honest to God.
Antipathy must have been registered on her face for Carrie suddenly bent over the counter to mumble that Liz wasn't that bad. She whispered a recommendation that
Audrey should give her a chance … rich
advice considering Carrie 's reputation
for casting aspersions. Feeling somewhat rebuked, Audrey
carried on weighing the humbugs Carrie
wanted. An appropriate purchase, she thought, adding two more to the paper cone
for exact measure.
From the far side of the shop, where she was wading through a
box of free-issue recipe leaflets, Diane
loudly volunteered the opinion that Clarry was no doubt hitching a drive by
elevating her skirt. 'Any driver would lose control with legs like hers
flapping at him.' She followed this insensitive comment with a hefty sniff.
Seemingly unmoved by Diane's disgruntled outburst, Liz
presented a five pound note to pay for the coffee, then remembered to ask for a
box of man-sized tissues and some paracetamol, explaining that Gerald was
bringing home a bad cold.
'Tell him to keep it to himself,' cried Carol .
'We don't want his germs in here.'
'Shropshire . Near the
Wrekin. He likes it there. He goes rambling after work.' Liz
submitted the fiver again. 'We should have a collection for Clarissa . Maybe send flowers.'
That's an original, Audrey
thought, doling change into the outstretched hand, now totally bewildered by
the hitherto unseen facets of her character. It wasn’t at all surprising, since
Liz was not known for her benevolence,
that Carrie and Diane
were goggle eyed.
*******
It was Eileen who
acknowledged that Liz 's proposal was a
smashing idea.
'We-ll, I suppose I could. It's just that -'
'I'll do it,' Eileen
said. 'I've got to go to the shop to take Paddy's sandwiches.'
'Don't worry, I said I'll do it.' Eileen
slapped a used envelope on the counter for contributions, and when the shop
door opened to admit Doris Pinches, she was as good as her word. She literally
pounced on her. 'Want to give a donation for Clarissa ?
We're sending flowers.'
'Maybe she's right,' observed Diane ,
tugging the waistband of her jeans upwards. 'She does have an air of abandon
about her. I noticed the way she watched Brian Porter
on Saturday, with those shuttered eyes and come-to-bed look.'
'Oh, he didn't see her. He was talking to my Ron . Clarissa
looked fit to devour him - Brian , I
mean.'
The relief that nothing transpired sent Audrey
into a frenetic bout of tidying, clearing surplus tins and jars off the
counter, until Doris
stood in front of her and she was obliged to stop. 'Yes, Doris , what can I get you?'
'That's where you're mistaken,' retorted Doris . 'Mother wants
to thank her for what she did at the fete.' She addressed Audrey .
'She's functioning like an enthusiastic teenager lately. I'm grateful as well.
Because of you, Mother and I are friends again. It's taken forty years but it
looks as though it might last.'
'That'll do.' Doris
accepted the money and offered a coin to Eileen
then, changing intention, she placed both coins in her purse and plucked out a
ten pound note. 'Here, have this,' she said, 'and get her a big bunch.'
'My!' breathed Carrie .
'Lovely,' added Liz .
'Gosh, thanks, you are generous,' enthused Diane .
'Well,' Doris
declared, 'it's not every day I find me mother again.'
*******
Hanging onto her arm, Audrey
huddled under the umbrella and bewailed the weather. 'I wouldn't have worn this
dress if I'd known it would rain. There’ll be rain marks all over it.'
They turned into the main shopping area, stopping now and
then to look in shop windows. It was market day. The town was alive with people
and heavy with suffocating exhaust fumes. Weaving through shoppers, prams, and
the odd bedraggled dog, Audrey led Gladys to Ernesto 's
Basement Pizza Parlour and shepherded her down the narrow stairs.
*******
Exciting palatable smells emanated from the kitchen and Audrey hastily opened the menu. 'Would you like to
try pizza or spaghetti?'
'I don't know. You'll have to choose for me.'
‘We’ll go with the pizza then. It might be easier for you to
handle.’
Ignoring the waiter's inability to hide his amusement, Audrey ordered the Chef’s special, to share, and a
bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Still grinning, the waiter collected the menus and turned to
scuttle off. Too fast. Slightly off balance as he tried to circumnavigate the
next table he collided with a colleague transporting a tray of crockery. Cups,
saucers, and plates fragmented as they hit the floor. As though forewarned a
disaster would happen two men in white overalls, armed with brooms, rushed from
the kitchen, uttering Italian blasphemies over the backs of the two kneeling
waiters picking up pieces broken china.
Audrey watched the fascinating turmoil, smirking to herself
as the men worked feverishly to get the mess cleared, reflecting that one
solitary woman would have got it done in half the time. Then she saw something
that almost knocked her speechless. Gerald Tomlin
was hurrying towards the exit. 'That's odd. He's supposed to be in Shropshire .'
'Who is?'
'Gerald . Liz
mentioned only this morning that he was in ... Oh, hang on, she did say he was
due home. I thought for a minute he was playing hooky. He wasn't in working
gear. Looked as if he was dressed for an assignation.'
'Just gone out.'
'Oh, well. I daresay Liz
will sort it out. If he's missing work, she'll soon have him regretting it.'
Now that the route to their table had been cleared, a team of
servers in crisp, open-necked shirts emerged from the kitchen with their food.
Full of apologies for the delay, they proceeded to serve. Gladys
was impressed when one of them placed a large blue napkin into her lap. ‘Wow!’ she
said. I must come here again.’ Seizing
knife and fork, she cut into the pizza. 'Hey! This is good,' she said, and
continued eating for two minutes before going on to discuss Clarissa .
The wine waiter arrived with the Pinot and a stainless steel wine
holder. Pouring some into Audrey 's
glass, he stood back while she sampled it. She signalled that it was satisfactory
and he filled both glasses. Audrey
waited until he had gone before resuming the conversation. 'Clarry was
fortunate merely to break an ankle. She’s alive and that's the main thing.’ She
declared her disgust at Diane 's
callous observation. 'She's got a growth between the ears instead of a brain
and it doesn't allow sympathy for anybody.'
'Kim gets her down.'
What else was there to say. Sulkily, Audrey
examined the painted dado, following it as far as the stairs, and tried to
think what subject matter would take her through the meal without fear of
further censure. She remembered Doris 's
invitation and thought that might promote reasonable discussion, not in the
least likely to cultivate discord. 'There was a pleasant incident at the shop
today,' she said, not quite meeting Gladys 's
eyes. 'Apparently, consequent to my enlisting the help of Mrs Pinches
on Saturday, she's a new woman and wants to show her appreciation by giving me
tea.'
'That's nice.'
'I feel truly touched, as if I did something stupendous.'
'You did, Audrey .
No-one else would've concerned themselves.'
Unexpectedly bashful, yet relieved that she had redeemed
herself, Audrey dabbed her mouth with
the napkin and altered tack by enquiring about Sam .
At the end of the meal Gladys
called for the bill. Reluctant to let her pay it all, Audrey
produced her wallet, but Gladys had
the money ready in a trice, saying, 'It's Sam 's
treat.'
Yes, Audrey decided,
I approve of Sam
Wilding .
*******
Trying to tame a jumping tic below her left eye, Audrey inwardly agreed. Not even in fun would she
encourage him. She put a hand on the spot in her belly where the recurring
twinge hurt the most. Conscious of Gladys 's
covert glances, she maintained the pretence of being enormously fascinated by a
tracing on the dusty window: a speared heart and initialled arrow. Watching the
trees speeding by, she mulled over the possibility that Alan
might be Him. She was fairly confident he wasn't; she would doubtless recognise
the Jamaican accent even if he stitched his jaws. Basically it was Alan 's actions that made her wonder; it was how she
imagined His would be if she met him in a crowd, familiar, yet distant. Perhaps
it was only during the unique privacy of phone calls that He could let himself
indulge in fantasies and say such passionately wild things.
'Chin up, lady. Where's that beautiful smile disappeared to?'
Observing the brilliance of Alan 's
own smile, Audrey knew it had been
unfair to doubt him. Sensing their camaraderie might be in jeopardy if she did,
she found herself grinning in return. 'I'll be as right as ninepence soon,' she
informed him. 'Just as soon as the curse has its fling.' Though she reckoned,
if she was in for a menstrual session, it was coming on a mighty queer date.
'What you need is brandy and a pair of strong arms. Now, if
you'll let me…'
'Get off, Alan
Benjamin ,' exclaimed Audrey , and jumped to the pavement.
*******
They popped into Settons for a paper and encountered Eileen articulating about the tramp. Carrie occupied the single pew, navy skirt taut over
the knee of her crossed leg, shoe dangling in its usual position at the end of
her big toe. Diane was sifting through
birthday cards slotted in a spiral display. She had swapped the blouse she wore
previously for the jumper she consistently swore was too hot for this weather.
Two delivery boys were filling their green sacks with papers for the evening
rounds. The shop smelled of sherbet and printing ink. Tom Setton
pored over his ledger, occasionally writing numbers on the newspapers. Audrey and Gladys
leaned on the counter to listen.
'I'm going on what Paddy told me,' admitted Eileen . 'He saw him in the square.' Putting her face
close to Diane 's, she whispered, 'He
was ...' She broke off, peeped at Tom ,
then tittered softly. 'He was urinating on the library wall.'
Taken aback, Eileen
reiterated that she was only quoting Paddy.
Seeing Tom
Setton wink at Audrey , Gladys
promptly elbowed her in the ribs and murmured, 'Come on. Let's get out of
here.'
*******
That evening, wearing Arabian-style trousers and a pink
caftan, Audrey sat on the floor
surrounded by cushions. She reclined against the couch on which Gladys sat nibbling cheese straws and celery.
'I like him a lot. Probably more than I should.'
They were midway through a game of Scrabble when Matthew rang. At the first peal Audrey
consulted her watch, noting that the hour of eight was long gone. On account of
Gladys 's presence, she answered
apprehensively.
'Hi, Mum. How're you?'
As she talked to her son, Audrey
underwent a dramatic transformation, moving upwards from passivity to animated
fervour, brandishing expressive hands to emphasise each utterance. Afterwards,
she twirled girlishly into the lounge and trilled, 'Matthew 's
coming home in two weeks, for ten days.' Flopping on the cushions, she expelled
a loud sigh. 'You've no idea how much I'm looking forward to seeing him.'
Hugging a cushion as one would a child, she chortled. 'Do you remember when he
brought that awful girl with him?'
When the phone rang again, Audrey
was still chuckling. Flinging the cushion aside, she made her way to the hall.
''Want to bet he's forgotten something?'
'I know what you're doing,' crackled the thin voice.
Her merriment died.
She slammed the receiver down, then snatched it up again and
let it drop on the table. The lamp wobbled, but she made no attempt to steady
it. Trembling, she supported herself on the door frame. How dare he ring when
she had a guest. Her self-discipline rapidly diminishing, she stumbled to an
armchair and nursed her head in her hands. 'Oh God!'
'No!' Fiercely shaking her head, Audrey
cried, 'I don't want him here. I don't want anybody. I need to be alone, to
think.'
After making her promise to ring if she required anything,
anything at all, Gladys departed.
The swift transition from mirth to misery had so drained Audrey that she sat for a spell at the foot of the
stairs, too jaded to go up. She kept her eyes on the phone. The cramps came and
went. What next?' Her tired brain could not contemplate a thereafter, though
she sensed there was one. She believed this was just the threshold of
something. But what?
Tomorrow she would update the answering machine and use it to
monitor the calls and, in future, she would assimilate and analyse his voice.
She must, in order to get a fix on him. But what then? What would she do if she
discovered the man who was gifted in kindling erotic desires?
At eleven-thirty, two minutes after reinstating the receiver,
the telephone rang.
'The more you cut me off, the more I'll keep calling.' His
voice was cold and harsh.
'I ... had a visitor,' she managed to say.
'I'm masturbating. Solo. Don't like it solo.'
Masturbating! What a gratifyingly carnal sound the word had.
All evening she had successfully quenched an insane craving for the thrill of
improper communion, but that one word impelled her to let go. It was no use
even troubling to concentrate on the timbre of his voice. 'Tell me about it!'
she said, and gasped at her temerity, wholly unable to believe she had actually
said that.
He did tell her, his voice thickening as he described every
stimulation, every push of skin, every semen drip. He suggested she did the
same and describe to him how it felt.
Obediently, her hand travelled to the hem of the caftan, and
the tic's momentum increased until her face was freakishly contorted.
(to be continued)
heh the descent into madness continues....really nice dialogue through this section as well...the public to private contrast is pretty cool as well...
ReplyDeleteYes, Brian, it's a downward spiral ... until she learns otherwise.
ReplyDeleteGreat entry! But eating pizza with a knife and a fork? That's just crazy. ;-)
ReplyDeletethat call brings back memories ..
ReplyDeletemany years ago I had someone calling
me at all hours .. not sure if he was just a lonely college kid or a serial rapist.. but the threat of a
police wiretap put an end to his calls.
Hi Herman, I'm curious.... how do you eat Pizza in the states?
ReplyDeleteHello Faye. Not a nice experience for you. Thank goodness this is only a made-up story.
Thank goodness I've never had calls like that!
ReplyDeleteI agree when you said about the swift transition.. merry at one moment, replaced by misery after. For Audrey, a single phone call can make that happen.
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure she doesn't want those phone calls.. She's giving in to what the person on the other end wants.. and she doesn't even know who it was. The more she entertains the caller and the urges, the more she would need to know who her caller is. Because they are sharing something crazy. What a shame if they really know each other! Thanks for another great chapter, Valerie!
Hi Lea. Audrey is in a state of mental confusion, part hate and part desire. Recovery will come, eventually!
ReplyDelete