Monday Mirth

Torrential rain here today and again tomorrow. Woke this morning to a leak in the kitchen ceiling and a flood on the floor. Roof only recently fixed so we have yet to find out how the rain is getting in. Maybe this Monday Mirth will cheer me up.

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". 

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really annoyed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday

Factory Workers

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

oOo

A teacher was giving her class a lesson in logic.

 ‘Here is the situation,’ she said.

 ‘A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of the river. He loses his balance, falls in and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?’

A girl raises her hand and asked, ‘To draw out all his savings?’