09 April 2017


This bit of nonsense was written in response to a friend who thought I'd gone too long without writing something. I was feeling lethargic, it was too much trouble to put the brain in gear. 

Deep discussions would take place. I was told if I didn't get cracking I would lose it altogether. I took no notice, until one day my pal lost her cool and shouted 'Come on, Val.... MOVE YOUR BUTT!' That did it. I think I wrote it inside half an hour. Anything to shut her up! 

Val… move your butt!’

I stopped dead, wondering if the remark had been directed at me. Twisting round I saw three men in green overalls leaning against the bus shelter, paint brushes in their hands, several paint pots in a row beside them. They were grinning as if I was an object of amusement. I bristled at their nerve. Why didn’t they get on with their work and stop harassing women?

Annoyed, I tossed a lock of hair out of my face and strutted off. If I hurried I could still make the eleven o’clock train. Reaching the corner I waited at the pedestrian crossing for the lights to change.

Val… move your butt!’

The audacity of those men! 

Momentarily forgetting the time, I spun round, glared ferociously at the laughing trio. One man held his sides as he laughed. I guessed he was the one doing the shouting. I stormed up to him and cuffed his arm. ‘Would you mind telling me why you’re being so damn rude?’ I asked, hoping there was enough sarcasm to penetrate his infantile brain.

He looked me square in the eyes but didn’t reply. Merely grinned and shook his head. Even in my anger I couldn’t help noticing his deep blue eyes and slightly lopsided sensual mouth. 

‘Hey up, Missus, don’t look too long at Tom or you’ll be under his spell. E’s got a way with women. Sends ‘em silly with them cheeky eyes.’

I adopted a haughty posture and glowered at the speaker, a short red haired man with freckles and a jagged scar on his cheek. ‘Do you have to do his talking for him as well?’ I enquired acidly.

‘Nah. Missus, but Tom’s lost ‘is voice, see. I’m actin’ as spokesman.’

I glanced at Tom, foolishly pleased that he hadn’t been the culprit. He really was quite delectable, I thought, as he winked almost secretly. I flushed with something akin to delight.

Behind him the spokesman sniggered and nudged the third man who was so thin he looked as though a good dinner wouldn’t go amiss. ‘You wouldn’t believe me, ‘Arry, well you can see ‘Tom’s method for yourself. You might learn a thing or two.’

The third man, obviously unsuccessful with women, beamed with pleasure as he gazed at Tom. 

At that moment, Tom dropped his paintbrush and stepped towards me. His smile was cultivated, designed to trap a member of the opposite sex. Me! Curiously I smiled back, the time and the train completely forgotten. Taking my arm, he guided me to the railings opposite the bus shelter. I felt bewitched as his face drew close to mine and in a faint voice asked me my name.

Valerie,’ I whispered. 

And then it dawned on me … not one of the men could have told me to move my butt since they didn’t know my name. Suddenly mystified, I was about to question Tom when he pointed up to a window of the house behind the railings. It must be his house, I thought, becoming uneasy. It was obviously a bedroom window. 

Sanity returned and I decided to get the hell out of there. Cursing my stupidity I pushed him away and took my first steps towards the traffic lights. What in heaven’s name had I been thinking of, hanging around bloody painters just because one of them had a captivating smile.

Val… move your butt!’

Sweeping round, I raised my hand to hit him. He was where I’d left him, arm raised, still pointing to the window, I looked up then and saw what he was pointing at. Strutting on a perch inside the open window was an African Grey. A parrot! While I stared at the bird it began chanting in a very realistic voice:

Val… move your butt!’
Val… move your butt!’
Val… move your butt!’

That was a year ago, nine months before Tom and I got married. We never did discover who the other Val
 was, but we’re still laughing.


Denise inVA said...

What a great story Valerie. The ending really made me chuckle.

Valerie said...

Hi Denise, I thought a little lightheartedness wouldn't come amiss. Glad you liked it.

LL Cool Joe said...

Haha I didn't see that ending coming! Nice one!

Valerie said...

Hey, Joe, good that I fooled you. I like endiing stories with a twist in the tale.

Ron said...

*applause and laughter*

Brava, Valerie! As always....wonderful story! And I don't know how you come up with them, but your endings (as in this story) are soooooooooooooo brilliant!

Well done, my friend. WELL done!

Hope you're having a lovely Sunday!

Valerie said...

Thanks, Ron. Today, Sunday, is good. The sun has been shining all day and the temperature was high. A one off, according to the weather people. Tomorrow will be wet and cool.

Glad you liked the story again. As you know, I like a twist in the tale.

Hope your weekend has been all you wanted it to be, my friend. Hope the week ahead is good, too.

S. J. Qualls said...

Cute little story!

Valerie said...

Thanks, SJQ.

Katie Eggeman said...

That is a great story Val.

Jimmy said...

Excellent Valerie, what an excellent story, I almost felt as if I were there, I can actually see the parrot in the window ha ha

Valerie said...

Hi Jimmy, I'm happy that you liked the story. How nice that you could see the parrot... grins.

kden said...

You are such a good writer; cute story.

Carole said...

I love your writing! Great story Valerie. Thanks for sharing :-)

Valerie said...

Hi kden, thank you, your comments encourage me to post more of my stories.

Valerie said...

Thank you, Carole.

Jenny Woolf said...

I am glad to see another of your stories, Valerie. You have such a way with them - always tying them up with an unexpected conclusion that will bring a smile! Yes, your friend is right - although she could have put it more elegantly I agree... :D I hope you have a nice Easter day - perhaps you can write a story about Easter? Eggs - or chicks - or chocolate!

Mr. Shife said...

Another great story, Val. Thank you for sharing with us. I certainly appreciate it. Take care.

Valerie said...

Jenny, I like to give a twist to the end of a story. Some people like it, others don't. I am glad you approve.

Geraldine said...

Hahahaha...what a great story and I LOVED the ending. Kind of a "gotcha" moment. Well done.

Have a lovely week,G and Mr. C!!!!

PS: Mr. Cheddar says to tell Charlie to check out his eBook. It's free this weekend at Amazon and the downloads are going very well. :-) I think Charlie would like these for bedtime fun!!!

Valerie said...

Geraldine, thanks for telling Charlie about the boo, and I'm happy that you liked the story.

Geraldine said...

Hugs to you 🌼 and Charlie,😽 hope you have a pleasant weekend. 🌞 Rain on the way here on Vancouver Island but that's ok.😊