17 March 2014

Growing old... Who? Me?

(Another one sent by email) 

That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, 
"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see 
who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.
"Only $4.68he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?
A mere child!
Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to 
Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. 
I strode to the counter,
and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something 
and jingled it in front of me, 
like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I now?
A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. 
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.
What now?
I checked my keys and tried another.
Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the 
purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no 
purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus:
The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.
A partially eaten dough nut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say 
ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage,
and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.
All I could think was,
"What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, 
"Did I leave my food and drink in here"?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.
He was holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words:
"It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer, I'm 
not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.
I handed her a bag of cold food and a 
$300 speeding ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a 

The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to the other "old fogies" on your list 
(so they can have fun laughing, too).

Notice the 
larger type?
That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with 

Oops, did I send this to you already?

Please note new RECOMMENDATIONS panel at top of side bar


  1. That gave me a good chuckle, thanks Valerie! Now I wonder where my keys are?

  2. oh my....there comes a time we have to face reality eh? hahaha...

  3. HaHaHa!! LOVED this post, Valerie! And I for one, like the larger type - it's much easier to read, even with my computer glasses on. There's a couple blogs I follow, that I wish would use a larger type.

  4. Brian, I know... I KNOW ...smiles.

  5. Denise, I was looking for my keys earlier... duh!

  6. Bwhahahahahhaha!

    Valerie, this was PRICELESS!

    And I have to share that about a month ago I was in a Walgreens drug store, when the cashier at the checkout counter said to me, "I'm going to give you a Senior Citizens discount, even though you don't have a card, ok?"

    I was flabbergasted!?!

    And by the look on my face she said, "Oh I'm sorry...I didn't mean to insult you."

    I LAUGHED and took the discount.


    Happy Monday, dear lady!

    X to you and Joe!

  7. Mona, I know... there's one in particular I follow and I have to enlarge the screen every time.

  8. Mona, I know... there's one in particular I follow and I have to enlarge the screen every time.

  9. As much as I hate to admit it, this stuff happens.

    Not so long ago I went into McDonald's, got my food, laid my wallet on the counter and walked out. I was a few miles down the road when I got a phone call. A guy said, "hey, are you missing anything?"

  10. What a hoot Val! Good to see I'm still a relative young-un, after reading this. ;-)

    That counter kid needed a good slap down!!!

    Thanks for the LOL to start the week!

    Hugs, G

  11. This was hilarious! I chuckled in spit of my sore throat and sinus headache. I can't tell you how much I needed the laugh today! :-)

  12. Herman, I hope the laugh generated some improvement in your condition. It's tough luck you getting ill right on top of the camping but better now than then... if at all.

  13. Oh my gosh...I dare say I've walked to an identical car and wondered why my key wouldn't work....but I 've yet to be offered a 'senior discount'. Woohoo....go ME!!


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