Losing a husband is bad enough but losing the ability to
succeed in life is even worse. When Joe was alive he did it all, paid the
bills, organised the money, and wouldn’t let me lift a finger. He has been gone
a few years now and I have learned to cope … successfully, I might add. The
only trouble is that family live too far away and neighbours really don’t want
to know when folk are alone. It’s as if they are scared of something, as if an
alone person will rob them of both time and money.
I got on okay, but health problems magnified the solitude I
lived in. Occasionally the girls next door would do something for me but not
very often. They had their own invalid to take care of, in the shape of an
elderly aunt who lived alone.
To overcome the burden that solitude brings I became
interested in an advert for local help. I had never heard of it before but it
seemed to be something everyone knew about. That organisation is quite big and
has lots of people working to help the sick, the frail, or the lonely.
When I decided that loneliness was too big a cross to bear,
I contacted the organisation. Overnight
my solitude was removed. Well, not quite, but I did have companionship
for an hour a day, twice a week. And enjoyed it! It was someone to talk to,
laugh with, and discuss things. Great!
What I omitted to say was that it cost me money. £25 for an
hour’s chat, £50 for two hours. But the cost soon rose to £27.95 an hour.
Rather than lose the companionship I put up with the cost, that is until today
when new pricing came into force. I received a letter to say that in total my
weekly fee for eight hours would be £195.65 - every week.
Much as I love my hourly visitor it rather looks as if she
must vacate my sofa and let me take charge of my own money and all those little
jobs she helped me with. Sad, because she was what kept me ticking, so to
speak, but now I feel doomed to spend the rest of my days in silence.
Valerie, I was disheartened to read about the rising fees for this companionship service. It seems like this organization is more interested in their financial bottom line than in the people it was meant to help. I can certainly understand your predicament as I keep in contact by phone with 2 women in NJ, friends of my late mother's who are widowed, live alone and in their 90s. I also do the same with 2 women here at the apts in a similar age and situation. If you lived closer, I would be happy to visit and chat with you with only one "charge" -- a cuppa (or two) of tea.
ReplyDeleteI tried the phone system, leastways I approached the company who organises the phone a friend system. I was told someone would ring me in a few days but it never happened. I tend to lose faith with such organisations but maybe I will try again.
DeleteOh no that's a great deal of money to pay for company. :( What about contacting Silver line?
ReplyDeletehttps://www.thesilverline.org.uk/
Why not get involved in a local church, they have lots of different activities etc.
Joe, my worst problem is lack of mobility. I can't get anywhere without someone to help, and believe me there are few who would be willing to escort me somewhere.
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DeleteI will contact Silver line. Thanks Joe
DeleteThat is sad. You can always find conversation in the blog world, most of us never shut up.
ReplyDeleteJoeh, that is why I stick to blogging but even that has its problems.
ReplyDeleteValerie, it breaks my heart to hear this. Man, I wish I lived closer to you because I would so enjoy stopping by several times a week, doing things with you. It's funny because I've been single for so many years that I've gotten used to being alone. However, I don't ever feel lonely. That's one of the things I love about living in a city. You would be amazed by how many elderly men and women (in their 80's and 90's) getting around. But it's easier in a city because everything is close by. Yet, if you do need to get somewhere further away, we have public transportation; New York even more so because it's a much bigger city than Philadelphia. I've always believed that city life keeps you involved and active in life because it forces you to get outside and mingle with others; even if it's simply walking to a park and people-watching.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, those prices sound mighty high. WOW!
Sending you a big HUG and lots of love, dear friend!
((((((((((((( X YOU X )))))))))))))))
Hi Ron. Thanks for your comment. The lonely feeling is quite new to me. I put it down to the painful spine which prohibits walking at length. I am fine when I sit down but I don't want to keep sitting down - I want action! Thanks for the hugs, dear friend, they made me feel good.
DeleteValerie, I can fully understand your situation and I sympathize with your plight. Loneliness is very common and affects people of all ages - but it can be far worse for those who are elderly and in poor health. It is so easy to say that you should get out and do things - - but this is much easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately many organizations that profess to help the lonely are more interested in their own benefits. Neighbors can occasionally be helpful, but they are most likely immersed in their own lives and problems. It's a shame that your family lives far away - but sometimes even if they lived near they might not be as helpful as they should.
I hope this doesn't sound too negative. I'm merely being realistic. I definitely don't think you should give up. Keep exploring every possibility. If there aren't any suitable organizations in your community, perhaps you can find something online. If I can think of anything specific I'll let you know - - and I hope other readers of your blog can come up with ideas.
Until then, I'm sending big hugs and love. Take care.
Jon, there's a great gap between your input and my reply. Don't know why that is but I'll press on regardless.
ReplyDeleteI loved your reply to my post. You hit lots right on the head. It is easy to recommend this and that but not always possible in reality. My neighbours are good but I refuse to be classed as a nuisance in their eyes.
Gap bow disappeared!!!!!
DeleteHi Valerie,
ReplyDeleteTruly sorry to hear about your situation and I pray for you right now.
Have you considered contacting The Salvation Army and/or Age Concern. They may have further contacts or suggestions for you. It is wrong to have to pay for companionship. I did not know such organisations exist. Also, are you a member of a local church? If not, have you considered contacting them? I know the Catholic Church has an organisation called the St Vincent de Paul Society and they visit the elderly on a regular basis. I suspect other denominations or religions have a similar system.
Try Age UK at www.ageuk.org.uk
Rengage at https://www.reengage.org.uk/volunteer/new-volunteers/
Independant Age at https://www.independentage.org/get-involved/how-can-i-volunteer
The Samaritans - write to jo@samaritans.org
The Silver Line at https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/what-we-do/
Friends of the elderly at https://www.fote.org.uk/our-charity-work/befriending/
I hope these help. God bless.
I have contacted AGE CONCERN etc. One time I was told someone would ring me - nobody did. I tried again at another 'branch' and a similar thing happened. I thought perhaps they were very busy but no call came even after a long gap. That's when I started looking round for other agencies who might help but, when no calls came or approaches made, I gave up altogether and pacified my feelings by telling myself that there were others more deserving than me. I will try the others you mentioned, and thank you.
DeleteHi Valerie,
ReplyDeleteAre there any organizations around you that have volunteers that would come to visit once a week or take you grocery shopping or to a movie? I belonged to an organization in the U.S. where I volunteered to take a woman grocery shopping once a week. Also, before that, I volunteered with the same organization to take a disabled man out to a movie and a lunch every couple of weeks. Please continue to look for organizations that can provide what you are looking for and at no cost.
Thank you for your ideas. Fortunately I am able to organise things and do. Way back when my husband was ill I organised the delivery of groceries on line, and that's how I do my shopping now. I was very organised then and up to a point I still am. I smiled then ... thinking how easy it was to organise stuff for hubby and not myself. Thank you so much for popping in to cheer me up.
DeleteIt is so sad to read that kindness comes at a price. Loneliness is the worst feeling and even people with family and friends around can suffer from this. Hobbies help to pass the time and, of course, a pet will always give us love and attention. I am not religious, but I volunteer at a community services organization, and many of the churches that we work with have volunteers that visit those that are, more or less, home bound. I hope you continue to look for and find an organization that will meet your needs without any cost.
ReplyDeleteYou are right about animals. We always had dogs and loved them all, but now I am on my own I got myself a cat. He is lovely and makes such a fuss of me, I wonder how I managed without him. Rest assured I will keep looking for something or someone to take my attention.
DeleteWhat a shame that you're being charged so much for something that was wonderful for you. I hope you can find some other way to connect with folks.
ReplyDeleteJoe from Cranky Old Man sent me.
Big hug. ♥
Hello Sandee. I have to say that all these messages made me feel a lot better about things. Thank you, and God bless you all.
DeleteThat's a terrible price to pay. I used to volunteer my time to a lady who was up the street. I found out about her from a neighbor and she introduced me to her one day. Perhaps you can find out if there are any volunteer organizations in your area who could do that? Is there a church nearby you might be able to put feelers out to, ask a local vicar, or the local council. I am not sure if this is doable Valerie, but I am just throwing out a few things. If I think of anything else I will be back.
ReplyDeleteHi Denise. I have to say that neighbours these days are not like they were in the good old days. I know three neighbours, those next are brilliant and always help me when asked. The other side of me is an elderly couple who no longer mix with neighbours. Old age has its problems! Neighbours opposite, a policeman and his wife, are seldom seen and never mix with the rest of us.
DeleteValerie...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this.
It breaks my heart, my friend.
Truly.
Could you pop over to my blog and leave your mailing address.
(I won't publish your address....but if you leave your name and address on my blog, since I moderate my comments so that no one else can see it but me, I can get it and write to you.)
I would love to write to you....send you cards, letters, etc.
It would give me great joy to be able to do that.
Sending you love and hugs,
Jackie
How lovely you are, Jackie. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Letter writing is good but I couldn't respond in the same way. I have the cleaners coming today so later on I will get in touch.
Deletei feel for you my friend
ReplyDeletereading this made my heart heavy and eyes teary
i was shocked to learn that in your part of land sometimes people have to pay for sharing their heart
here we visit any public place hospital or park people are friendly and kind enough to share and ask about us
i wish i can stop by and listen to you for hours
listening is my favorite job since i was child
hugs! love and you got yourself remember this my friend!
Hi Baili. Thanks for your lovely reply. Believe me, I was shocked to discover the things that go on in my area. I feel strong enough now to go find something to suit me. Wish me luck, my friend.
DeleteAlso my comment disappeared!
ReplyDeleteI searched for your comment, River, but found nothing. I think between us we confused Blogger! The huge gap in the middle of all the contacts confused me as well as others.
DeleteThank you, anyway, for taking the time to contact me. I appreciate it.
Baili, it seems things are different here. I have found an organisation that doesn't charge a fee for services rendered, only trouble is they don't seem ever to answer the phone nor do they write in response to letters.
ReplyDeleteHi again Valerie, I just re-read this blog post and then all the wonderful, supportive and encouraging comments from so many of us, your fellow bloggers. And I neglected to add in my previous comment that I would enjoy sending you an occasional card, note, short letter and you do NOT need to concern yourself with replying, just a short email every now and then to let me know they arrived is sufficient. Despite the rising cost of postage, I continue to keep in touch this way and it definitely doesn't matter to me whether or not the recipient responds, really. My own (maybe selfish)joy is in knowing that someone received something that didn't require a payment or need to be tossed, but that lifted their spirits if only for a while. So, please feel free to send me your name and mailing address via the (private) email on my blog. It will never be shared with anyone. Hope to hear from you, my blog friend.
ReplyDeleteI would love to keep in touch. Re letters, though, Our postmen are not reliable so for the last few years I have communicated to friends by email. Many of them are from the blogging world and we communicate by email. It's cheaper that way when you think of the distance the mail has to travel ... and the cost. Did you know I live in the UK?
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it's the same everywhere. The home aide services we have around here are very expensive too, and sadly no insurance covers it. Keep blogging and we will be here for you :)
ReplyDeleteWill do, kden, and thanks.
ReplyDeleteI understand, as my father passed away in late 2018 and my mom is trying to get used to being alone after having a constant companion for 57 years. I'm sorry to hear that the companionship costs so much. I think the limited mobility makes this the most difficult. I don't live in the UK, so am not aware of services available. I hope one of the prior suggestions works for you.
ReplyDeleteYour situation reminds us all how important social services are and to volunteer when able!
Hi Valerie. Joe from Cranky Old Man sent me and I'm so glad he did. I'm sorry that a person has to pay just to have someone to talk with and hang out. - I know that the LDS church/Mormon church (nope you don't have to convert) is always more than willing to visit and help out and it's absolutely free. I'm certain there's at least one in your area. Here is a number to call. +44 121 384 2032 - You have a new follower in me! God bless you.
ReplyDelete