09 June 2011

Domestic Violence

It’s a sad world when children are used as pawns in marital disputes. It seems almost daily that we hear reports of children being murdered where the right for custody is contested. Not so long back, here in the UK, a father drove his two young children into a river, the boy was rescued but the little girl drowned. The father is now doing time, but his son is left to relive the terror of that awful experience. What must that boy be going through and what must he think of the man who tried to kill him?

Since then there have been more reports of child killings. It seems to me that it’s a case of ‘if I can’t have them (the children) then neither can you’. Yes, I know marriage break-up is seriously disturbing … but to kill the children? Even at his lowest ebb how can a man kill those he professes to love? If it was just one case I might make some allowance for the state of mind but there are so many it’s like everyone is jumping on the bandwagon. Is this domestic depression catching? Has it become the norm or is it used as an excuse?

There should be a public uprising about the problem. I worry that the more we hear or read about crime the more blasé we’ve become. So what? It’s an everyday thing.
We’re safe in our cosy armchairs. It’s not my concern. Surely we can’t just sit back and read these reports without airing our concerns over what appears to be a lack of protection for kids involved in custody battles.

Something has to be done. In my opinion the lawyers, the divorce courts, social workers and Social Services are not doing enough to protect the innocent children. When I worked for the Probation Service I attended several group gatherings designed to help children cope with divorce. Now that things have got so bad I wonder if counselling is being offered on ways to save yourself when your Dad goes berserk.

The latest incident was the fatal shooting of mother and child. A second child fled from the house to where her real father lived … she had managed to escape after having a gun rammed in her mouth. The man, who is alleged to be the father of the murdered girl, shot himself but still lives. This tragedy is all too common, a bitter wrangle with the woman with whom he lived leading to the death of two people. It is said that the police knew what the situation was but failed to take action. Oh well, eventually there will be a trial and once again the public will fail to raise a hue and cry.


  1. This is truly a sad situation. Or when the parent is feeling suicidal and takes their children with them. Suicide is NOT the answer, but if they are so crazed, at least DON'T TAKE THE KIDS WITH THEM! I don't know what the answer is either, except to pray.

  2. That is so true. It's always the kids caught in the middle - who seem to suffer the most.

  3. that is where i come in lots of times...cant tell you how many family disputes i have had to moderate and kids i had to rescue...

  4. Excellent post, Valerie!

    And one that I feel needs to be shared.

    Being someone who loves children, this topic touches me deeply. To me, violence towards children is the lowest, and mean LOWEST form of abuse - whether it be domestic violence or just abuse in general. It enrages me that anyone could harm an innocent and defenseless child.

    Also, the eldery or animals.

    I agree, isn't it awful how slowly the police take action to situations like this? I bet a lot of that has to do with legal issues. However, my feeling is....what about a child's right to be protected and safe?

    Oh, this whole thing makes me very upset!?#?!

    Anyway, dear lady...thank you again for posting this topic.

    Hope you had a great day!

  5. I so agree with you, Valerie. We hear about these things so often now that we're almost becoming immune to them, much like we've almost become immune to the problems of people in poor parts of the world and who are caught up in wars etc. Children are ALWAYS innocent and yet all too often they're the victims of adult disagreements. So, so, wrong.

  6. Pat, I'm praying with you.

    Mona, sadly you're right.

    Brian, thank God there are people like you.

    Ron, by all means share this post. We need to wake up those with their heads in the sand.

    Sharon, you are so right. We have become immune. Even war scenes on television is like watching a film.

  7. It's very, very sad isn't it Valerie? Some of the cases just want to make you sit and cry.

  8. Agree the world can be a sad place sometimes.

  9. It is always the children that suffer most when their parents break up. Sadly too many are losing their lives now as well as a stable homelife, it's so wrong. :(

  10. It could be mental illness, or drug misuse perhaps. But I think mainly these killers are inflicted with jealousy and selfishness.

  11. It is very sad that as a society we are becoming comfortably numb to such horrible atrocities. I am hoping at one point we just say no and turn our humanity around especially as I am raising a little man. Take care Val.

  12. very, very sad in all cases. A human mind is a very complex thing......

    Gill in Canada


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