Monday Mirth

There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
    The old man replied, "Nope."
    So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
    The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."

A Doctor and a Lawyer Met at a Party

Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, 'Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?'

'When they ask, I give them advice', replied the lawyer, 'and then I send them a bill in the morning.'

The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice.

The next morning he took out the list just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.

12 Step Program for Web Addicts 

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!