Monday Mirth

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. 

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." 

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" 

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" 

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

So... this penguin walks into a bar and says to to the barman: "Have you seen my brother?"

And the barman says: "No, what does he look like?"

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." 

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. 

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and...'"

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: 

“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”