14 January 2013

Monday Mirth

A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places.’
The doctor said, ‘Well, don't go there anymore.’

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. ‘What are you doing,’ she asked.
‘Hunting flies,’ he said.
‘Killed any?’ she asked.
‘Yep,’ he replied, ‘three males and two females!’
Intrigued, she asked how he could tell them apart.
To which he replied, ‘Easy. Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.’

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 

By way of a change, let's go back to John Bishop


faye said...

Love these ... especially the
tingly feeling...

Happy Monday

Akelamalu said...

LOL thanks for the chuckles on the snowy morning Valerie. x

Brian Miller said...

ha. that one with the parents bawling out the teacher is true you know...ha...that one might show up in the teachers lounge today...some funny stuff...

Valerie said...

Thanks, Pearl. The snow came right in the middle of a roofing job.... no sign of the roofers this morning, duh!

I know it's true, Brian, and although the cartoon is amusing I think it's a poor state of affairs. Hope it raises a smile in the teachers' lounge.

Mel said...

*laughing* I DID mean to behave, yaknow!
That's a keeper of a sign. I think we oughta blow it up and put it out front of my house! ;-)

Happy Monday, ma'am!
Thank you for the smile and laughter.

DeniseinVA said...

Wonderful, what a great way to start my Monday off. Thanks Valerie!

Joseph Daggatt said...

Always a laugh!
I will behave as I have run out of all other options!!!

Ron said...

Valerie, as always, these are STELLAR!!!!!!

I had to laugh at the one about the chopsticks because when I was living in Japan, that's exactly what I went through. I could use them to pick up big pieces of food, however, I needed a fork or SPOON to pick up the rice!

LOVED the one about common sense leaving your body. Hilariously true!

Thanks for Monday Mirth, dear lady!

Enjoy your day! And I'm so envious that you got SNOW!


Valerie said...

Ron, chopsticks and I don't get on. I can hold them correctly but they go every which way if I try to pick up some food *grins*

HermanTurnip said...


Karin and I went out for sushi this past weekend. I have a natural flair for the art of the chopstick, but the wife...struggles. I'm still cringing at the hapless, kneaded balls of once could have been considered "sushi" after the wife desperately tried to pick them up between those two sticks.

...I finally had the waiter bring her a fork :-)

Montanagirl said...

I arrived late to your blog today - but I can go to bed chuckling! Thanks, Val.

Valerie said...

Herman, that would be be EXACTLY. Poor Karin, I do sympathise... smiles.

Pat said...

All funny stuff! I really like the clip. Very funny!