Monday Mirth

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside  the Station, when he noticed a little girl  nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders  hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly  coiled in the middle.
The  girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her  cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer  look.
'That  sure is a nice fire truck,' the fire fighter said  with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.  The fire fighter looked a little closer. The girl  had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to  the cat's testicles.
'Little  partner,' the fire fighter said, 'I don't want to  tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to  tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think  you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a  siren.' 

Just Like Dad

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizeable factory that hires only married men. 

Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts: 

1.  I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web. 
2.  I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 
3.  I will get dressed before noon. 
4.  I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web. 
5.  I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived. 
6.  I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web. 
7.  I will read a book...if I still remember how. 
8.  I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web. 
9.  I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my check book because I was too busy on the Web. 
12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

A man walks into a bar and orders a Martini  When the barman brings his drink the man fishes out the olive and puts it in a jar. He orders another and does exactly the same thing. This operation is repeated until the man has a pile of olives in his jar.  

'Excuse me, says the barman, 'is there something wrong with the drink?' 

'Oh no', says the man, 'the wife sent me out' to get a jar of olives.'