A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, 'I love my BMW, I love my BMW.' Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totalled. 'My BMW! My BMW!' he sobbed.
A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, 'Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!'
The lawyer, horrified, screamed 'My Rolex! My Rolex!'
A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, 'Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!'
The lawyer, horrified, screamed 'My Rolex! My Rolex!'
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Why did Aladdin's
lamp hum?
Because the genie didn't know the words
Because the genie didn't know the words
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Sign in Yugoslavian hotel:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID
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On the menu of a
Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
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Notice seen at a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY
SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
A man's car stalls on a country road. When he gets out to fix it, a horse in the nearby field comes up along side the fence and leans over by him. 'Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,' says the horse. Startled, the man jumps back and runs down the road until he meets a farmer. He tells the farmer his story. 'Was it a large white horse with a black mark over the right eye?' asks the farmer. 'Yes, Yes,' the man replies. 'Oh, I wouldn't listen to her,' says the farmer, 'she doesn't know anything about cars.'
Lovely Valerie! I woke up early today and needed this to get me going.
ReplyDelete45% less accidents...hehehe....i am happy to say i am 2 years FB free, thank you...smiles....ha thanks for the monday chuckles val
ReplyDeleteThanks for the funnies today Valerie. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I woke up this morning, I was like, it's Monday... it's Valerie's Monday Mirth! :)
ReplyDeleteA wonderful collection of laughs, as always. By the way, my dinner last night was inspired by your Sunday Scenes. I ate a Junior Whopper, c/o Burger King on the 6th photo.
My Monday morning laugh. I love translated signs. We have purchased
ReplyDeleteToyotas for years now and I always loved the manuals, many funny phrases. It is all written by Americans now and not as funny.
Hey Brian, you must be a happy man now you're 2 years free of FB.
ReplyDeleteHi Pearl, it was my pleasure hunting these out.
Lea, a Junior Whopper huh? I don't think I could manage even that :O)
Hi Banker Chick, did you ever go wrong reading those manuals?
Brava, Valerie!
ReplyDeleteAnother faaaaaaaabulous Monday Mirth!
Loved them all but the one of the guy lying on the operation table made me howl. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!
Thanks for the great Monday laughs, dear lady!
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Hey Ron. I hope it was the nurse that was totally lost and not the surgeon....grins.
ReplyDeleteThe flattening of the underwear was my favorite!
ReplyDeleteCheered me up again Valerie.
ReplyDeletefound the seat belt funny, very funny,
ReplyDeleteGill
*laughing* I LOVE the doggie one.
ReplyDeleteAnd after the end of a busy, but productive day--the laugh was much appreciated.
"'My Rolex! My Rolex!'"
ReplyDeleteI now have a new favorite joke. Thanks!
I actually know a few people who obsess much too much on physical objects, and think that what they own defines them. As Tyler Durden once said, "The things you own end up owning you."
I think I have met that horse Ha Ha, Thanks for the laughs Valerie.
ReplyDeleteHilarious, Valerie. Thanks for the smiles.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda, thanks for visiting my blog. I am pleased you got a smile out of it.
ReplyDeleteJimmy, I think we shared that horse...smiles.
Herman, I must remember that theory about things owning us.... I can definitely see the reasoning.
They were GOOD! Thanks for the laughs. :)
ReplyDelete